hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
