I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'm like, not good at living.
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