I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
