I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
