I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
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I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
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I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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