so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
