He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize