the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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