Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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