so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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