call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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