Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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