OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
