i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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