The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
