I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
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