don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
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I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
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WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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