your room smells of hookers.
And success
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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