Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
