Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
