So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
