I think my vagina is haunted
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
