That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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