I got chris browned last night
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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