i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
