I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
