I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
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