I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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