I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
