she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Drunk is not a location!
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
