I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
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