so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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