I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize