Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
