i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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