You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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