and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
