The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
