Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
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