I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
