Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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