i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
it's like iHOP with fire
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Sorry about my life...
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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