so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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