If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I would ride that face into the sunset
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
