At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
