TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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