I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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