I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
