So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
