Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
