she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
