WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
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He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize