just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
