we made out on top of his cat.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
