Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
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