haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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