did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Randomize
