never play flip cup with pint glasses
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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