there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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