the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
pop tarts are not kleenex
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
