I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
