You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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