Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize
