Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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