I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Randomize
