she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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