so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
