During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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