I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
