She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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