Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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