i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
