he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
