so explain again why im purple
no
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
