I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Randomize
