I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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