operation harelip BJ is a go
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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