PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
