so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
