just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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